Hopes, Dreams & Memories

I want to start this off by stating the fact that I realize my son is two.  I realize that things are new, and different, and he may not fully comprehend what's always going on, however he is extremely intelligent.  He is fully aware of his surroundings at all times and unless he's tired, he has a good idea of what he wants to do and play with, etc.  Now that I've got that bit out of the way, I feel that I can continue with the rest of my post.  I want memories.  I don't have a lot of pictures of AJ doing things that other kids do at his age, or the ages he has already passed.  Let me explain.  We have no pictures of him with Santa because he doesn't do well with lines and even if he did, AJ would freak out when it was his turn to sit on Santa's lap.  We have one picture of him with the Easter Bunny (from last year) and that's only because I was sitting next to EB, holding AJ while he was screaming his head off.  I have some pictures of him in his baby pool when he was 6 months old and he was crying; I have no pictures of him from last year because for the limited time he was in our neighbor's pool, he refused to sit down -- he just stood and walked around in the water, playing with random toys. 

Today, we attempted to play in the snow.  It took me 30 minutes to get him dressed because we couldn't find matching boots, etc.  By the time we got outside, we stayed out for maybe all of 20 minutes, and AJ cried almost the whole time.  Again, no pictures and no video. 

Did I mention nobody bothered to come to his first birthday party?  That really bothered me.  The second birthday party was a blast and he had SO MUCH FUN!!!  People came, and it was great!  But I digress....

The post is supposed to be about making memories, and what I want for AJ.  It bothers me that when AJ gets older and starts asking about (or for) photos of himself when he is younger, that I more than likely won't have what he is looking for, or to see.  I don't know how I'm going to explain to him why we don't have them, without making him feel bad.  I NEVER want to make my child feel bad about himself.  It is my hope that the therapy he receives this year will enable him to be able to sit near the Easter Bunny (or in my lap next to EB) without flipping out.  I would love to be able to have a picture of him with Santa.  I want him to be able to enjoy the water like his friends do, without being scared of it.  I want him to be able to play in the snow and not be terrified of how it feels on his body, or how the cold feels on his face.  I want him to be able to finger paint and be expressive and artistic...unlike now where he flips out at the mere thought of finger painting...

I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that I want AJ to be able to enjoy being a child while he's still a child.  I realize he's two, but it seems like I brought him home from the hospital just a few months ago.

It breaks my heart in two when I see him scared of things that other kids are not.  Like baby dolls, Stuffed animals, Mr. Potato Head, water, and snow (to name a few). 

I just pray that we can get AJ the help and resources he needs through Early Intervention so that he is able to live a productive life and not have any major behavioral issues in the future.  Most of all, I hope that they are able to help him before he gets kicked out of daycare for biting and shoving his classmates.  That too is part of his disorder and both his teachers and I don't know how to get him to stop.

It's just extremely frustrating and heartbreaking when you have confirmed that something is wrong, but you have to wait for an undetermined amount of time to get started on a course of action. 

Hopefully we don't have to wait too long.

Where do we go from here?

Just to give you a little information, I have been going back to school for almost a year now.  I have recently begun my English II class, and she has suggested that we journal every day.  Since I have this blog, I thought "I'll just write a post about what is on my mind, every day."  I really should be doing that anyway -- and I haven't, so I apologize profusely.

So the title of this post is "Where do we go from here?"  Which is a pretty vague question in and of itself if you don't know the meaning behind it.  Yesterday, my precious son of barely 2 years old was diagnosed with Sensory Issues, better known as Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).  The Occupational Therapists that came over to evaluate him yesterday were wonderful, yet vague in the severity of his issues.  Apparently, he is not "OH MY GOD!!!" horrible, but his quirks are enough of a red flag that he qualifies for services.  Fortunately all Early Intervention services in Pennsylvania are covered, so we do not have to pay a dime.  Which is great, because I really don't have a dime to spare.

With that in mind, we come full circle to the title of this post: where do we go from here?  As she was leaving, our services coordinator stated that we'd get a copy of the report that they typed up when they were there, and that she'd call us to set up a planning meeting once she got ahold of the agency that we decided to go with.  And that was it.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate waiting?

Have I ever mentioned that I hate not knowing what's going on?

Well I do.  And it's killing me.

However I am a strong individual -- at least that's what everyone keeps telling me, and I know that everything happens for a reason.  so I will be patient, and love on my son just as much as I always have.  I will give him all of the attention that he requires and then some.  For I do not want him to think that this diagnosis has changed his life ONE IOTA.  Because it hasn't.  To me, he will always be the sweet, compassionate, intelligent, funny, amazing child that he has always been.  Because I love him to the moon and back and no matter what happens, I will always be his champion.

STOP SOPA